 Stay
active consistently
Don't
take things personally
Post
a photo
Only
write to members who you think have potential
Guys
AND ladies...take the initiative and write first!
Be
open to any geographic area
Practice
common sense
Be
honest
Take
your time
Pay
attention and ask questions
Make
sure you are preparing yourself
Write,
don't just "chat"
Have
fun
Stay Active Consistently
You cannot give up too quickly and you must give God “His” time,
not your time. There is no telling when you will meet that right person.
In fact, you have very little control. Your job is to keep active and
keep doing the work of searching, sending messages, and yes, “waiting.”
I have seen people have success in one week after joining, and I have
seen members finally have success after four years, and everything in
between. But the successful ones are the consistently active ones. And
that is because they believe that you never know when that right person
will be joining or come into your radar screen. Stay active!
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Don’t Take Things Personally
I know this is a "Catholic" organization with good Catholics
as members, but this is a forum that is, by nature, going to have people
"hunting"; therefore, it is easy for members to move past another
member without replying to messages. Everyone on this service is seeking
to meet their future spouse. There are thousands of people to sift through.
The members have very little time to invest in answering all messages
or doing too many searches. They want to use their time on Ave Maria Singles™
as productively as possible. Though there are instances of actual rudeness,
they are not trying to be rude or "uncharitable." It only seems
that way at times. AMS is working very hard to give members as much help
as we can to make it easy for them to give a response to all messages
they receive. But it is inevitable that there will be messages that do
not get responded to. It is also inevitable that you will be in contact
with more of the "wrong" person than that one "right"
person you seek. But that's just it, you are seeking one person. And that
person will respond to your messages. And that person will be what makes
all the crosses of using this service (and life itself) worth it. Don't
waste any energy taking these experiences personally or to heart. You
have a mission and it requires heroic efforts and all your energy. Focus
on seeking that one person of your prayers. Just move on without stopping
to figure out why another member doesn't respond to you. It is for the
best anyway. God needs you positive, focused, and full of joy.
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Post a Photo
A clear, current, and close-up photo posted on your profile highly increases
your chances for success on this service. You might disagree or even think
this is pretty sad that members want to see your photo, but having the
photo gives members a sense of who they are communicating with. No one
wants their computer monitor to be the only thing they see. Most members
don’t even look at members with no photo. Posting a bad photo is
better then no photo, but it can have pretty close to the same result
as no photo. Blurry, dark photos are unproductive. So are ones with you
in the distance, with other people, and with sunglasses on. Photos of
you from years ago are deceitful. Seeing a good photo of you is the key
to a person feeling “comfortable” enough to dare open their
heart to you. Besides, God made us as “sacramental” people;
meaning, we take in the mysteries of God inside of us through the physical
world around us. Relationships are no different. And since all members
are at a disadvantage in that they cannot communicate face to face with
the people they write to on the site, the photo helps give that sacramental
presence of the other person, which makes all the difference toward finding
the right person.
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Only Write to Members Who You Think Have Potential
Don’t just write to lots of members at one time and hope someone
responds. This does not help discern the right person. Write to several
members you think you share much in common with or have attraction to
and whom you feel might be a real possibility.
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Guys AND Ladies … Take the Initiative and Write
First
Ladies, write to the guys. Don’t wait for them. I know you would
prefer that that man find you and write first. That may be the way it
“should” be, however, guys very much need help being found and
gaining confidence to write. With thousands of members to search, they
could easily miss you. So make yourself “findable” by writing
first. I can’t tell you how many of our success stories are of ladies
who wrote first. It’s not like you are asking the guy to marry you.
Everyone on the service knows they are seeking their future spouse, but
we should all know as well that a good marriage begins first with good
friendship. Starting a conversation as a friend is not the same as asking
someone out on a date. So write to the guys you think you would like to
get to know. And in the name of God, guys … write to these ladies!!!
And do it with a mind to move toward commitment if things take their due
course. Our female members are ready for marriage and they are tired of
dealing with the guys who are not ready for a commitment. So I guess I
should say “don’t” write to these ladies if you are not
really seeking a spouse. But if you are seeking your future spouse, go
out and win that right one for you. These ladies want a good man in their
life “for” life.
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Be Open to Any Geographic Area
I know you would all love to meet the person you have been praying for
all your life in your town or area. But it is unlikely. The person you
seek is rare, and they are getting harder to find. The chances of finding
this person locally or in your everyday environments are slim. In fact,
the very reason you are on our service in the first place is because this
is a fact. Yes, long-distance relationships are a lot of work, but they
can be successful. Please read our success stories page to see many examples
of this. It was always my belief that if strong, committed, practicing
single Catholics are going to meet the person of their prayers, they are
going to have to be very heroic in their actions to find that person.
You have to be open-minded and open-hearted to God to allow Him to bring
into your life this right person wherever he or she may be. Once you limit
yourself to geography, your chances of success go down. I am not saying
you should not try to seek someone in your area. It does happen, and has
on this service. But for most members, this right person will be in another
state (and maybe even another country). If you are not “settling”
for someone who is not Catholic or is not as strong a Catholic as you
are, then I believe you must be open to heroically doing what it takes
to meet, befriend, court, and marry that right person. You may spend money
on phone bills, air travel, and gas. You may spend a great deal of time
in travel. You might even find you need to make major life adjustments
like moving to another state or finding another job. All of these things
sound to you right now (and this is key) like you would not be open to
that. It is easy to say that when that special person is not in your life
and non-existent. However, when you DO meet the person who fits your heart
and your soul like a glove, believe me when I tell you that you will do
anything you have to in order to be with that person for life. So be open-minded!!
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Practice Common Sense
Don't give out personal information such as your name, telephone number,
and address until you feel comfortable. AMS has an internal messaging
system for the reason of keeping yourself anonymous and maintaining your
privacy. The other members will never learn your e-mail address unless
you choose to reveal it. When you do decide you want to give out your
phone number, start with a work or cell number. Don't give out your home
phone right away, if you are able. If you decide to meet, make it a public
place during the day. Make sure you tell friends where you will be and
who you are meeting. When you do meet the person, don't share too much
information about yourself too soon.
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Be Honest
It's only fair to be honest when writing about yourself on your profile
and in your correspondences. In the long run, it won't help you if you
are dishonest. This applies to photos, too. Post a recent photo that represents
you best. You want someone to know who you really are now, not who you
were ten years ago.
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Take Your Time
Get to know someone through his or her words before taking the next step
of meeting each other in person. The beauty of the Internet is that it
has rekindled the joy of writing and receiving letters. Writing has a
way of expressing one’s heart a lot more than conversation over a
dinner date. Explore this way of connecting with the other person before
you talk on the telephone or meet face-to-face.
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Pay Attention and Ask Questions
Though this is a "Catholic" site and we have had very few problems
since we launched in 1998, it is still possible to meet someone who does
not represent themselves honestly. Be concerned about anyone who asks for
your personal information or offers their personal information during
initial correspondence. This is not proper. Ask what parish they belong
to and their pastor's name. Contacting that parish could be helpful in
finding out more about this person if you feel you need more information.
Also, make sure you ask good questions along the way so you can know more
about a person's background. This may be hard to achieve during the writing
and phone conversation stages. I always tell members to make sure that
when you do finally start meeting in person you interact with each other's
friends and family. No one can keep their "mask" on around those
familiar with the person.
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Make Sure You Are Preparing Yourself
Everyone who joins AMS wants to meet the person they are going to marry.
But are you prepared to meet this person, or are you “marriage worthy”
at this time? You need to make sure you are always working on yourself
as you search for that right person. Are you too picky? Are you too unreasonable
in what you want in a person? Are you really seeking to meet the right
person, or are you just hanging out, looking for new friends? Do you want
to give yourself in marriage, or are you just looking for someone to marry
you? The quality of yourself and your approach to meeting your future
spouse will be in direct proportion to your chances of success meeting
that person on AMS. Don’t underestimate the potential for missed
opportunities with a wonderful person because of something about yourself
that was an impediment to achieving your goals.
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Write, Don’t Just “Chat “
Writing to another member is like sending out a business proposal in hopes
of winning the contract. You put your best foot forward and take the time
to represent yourself as someone that is unique and should be considered
by this person. You especially want to make sure you are writing about
things you discovered on the other person’s profile. This is how
you develop a good relationship. No one gets too excited about a message
from someone with a short, choppy comment about nothing at all. Be creative,
be attentive, be interesting, but definitely be yourself.
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Have Fun
Just as developing a relationship in person can make you tremble with
excitement, you can find the same thrill with corresponding with someone
new on the Internet. Move slowly and savor the journey before you jump
into romance. It is also the safest way to proceed.
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